«I took my daughter to the Estação Oriente on Friday morning to catch a train to Porto (weekend excursion), and while we were waiting, it occurred to us that she should probably change her 100 euro note into something smaller – two fifties or five twenties. So we went looking for somebody to change it.
As you can imagine, none of the shopkeepers were interested. In fact, it was pretty early in the day, and I believe they really did not have enough change on hand. No problem, though – there are two banks right there in the train station. We went to the BCP Millenium… not open till noon. Hmmm… never mind… it’s just a short stroll over to the Caixa Geral – which was open.
Could I change this 100 euros for something smaller please?
No. This is a bank. You can’t do that here.
Excuse me?
It’s the law – banks are not allowed to change money.
But that’s madness. This is a bank.
Precisely. We can’t change money.
So what can I do with this 100 euro note?
You can spend it, but you can’t get change for it – not here.
But why is that? How can that be?
Because it might be a counterfeit, of course. It’s to protect the Bank, and you.
So a shop gets no protection?
LONG AWKWARD SILENCE… Do either of you have an account here?
Yes, I do. (As it happens, I do.)
Good, then you can deposit the 100 euros, and then withdraw 100 euros.
So you will accept this suspicious note for deposit, but not for making change?
That’s right.
And supposing that it is a counterfeit… at the end of the day, the Bank is holding a counterfeit. How exactly is the Bank protected? And how does this protect me? And, maybe in fact, you give it to another customer? How is that other customer protected?
LONGER SILENCE… Would you like to make a deposit, sir?
Excuse me, but this bank is a State institution, right? It actually belongs to the State – is that correct?
Yes.
And Portugal is a Member State of the European Union, of course…
Of course.
And this 100 euro note is issued by the ECB – so in fact, it belongs to the ECB – and it is the State’s currency?
That is correct.
So, are you telling me that the State has enacted a law whereby the State can or must refuse to accept its own currency, as currency?
THE LONGEST SILENCE… It’s the law, sir. Would you like to make a deposit?
The last time I was in the United States I noticed that every time I gave a shopkeeper or cashier a $20 bill (or anything higher) they picked up a special pen they had right there next to the cash register, and made a mark on the bill. Through the wonders of modern chemistry the mark appeared in a certain color – thereby testifying to the authenticity of the money. I gather that if another color had appeared, the bill would have been identified as false. Every shop and supermarket I went to had this remarkably low-tech system in place and operating.
Can it be so difficult to employ a similar (or identical) system here in Europe? Yes, the bank tellers stick it under an ultraviolet light, and look for the watermark, and check some of the other built-in security features, but even after all of that… there is apparently a law out there that excludes banks from having to accept the same risk that citizens must accept. And the banks have got the ultraviolet lights, and I usually don’t carry one of those around in my pocket.
But I could carry a special pen, you know. We could all have special pens. All of the shops and cafés and tascas could get one from the ECB or the Banco de Portugal or anywhere, really. They could even have advertising on them.
Imagine if laws made more sense. Is that unachievable, really?
And imagine the time saved and shorter queues at the bank if people did not have to conduct a full-scale banking operation to get two fives for a ten.»
- Queria pagar o imposto de 100 escudos, por favor.
- É um selo fiscal de 100 escudos.
- Tenho dois de 50!
- Ah, então não pode pagar.
- Não posso?
- Só pode pagar com um de 100!
Portugal, ano 9, do 2 milénio:
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O tempo medeia e passa, mas a caturrice mantêm-se. Afinal o três invertido de Sintra, srª Maité Proença, é apenas o modo de indignação de um cidadão que se rebela contra a imposição numérica!
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